It is with great surprise, that I start my 40th blog. It still feels very new, and each new blog is birthed with a sense of trepidation and wondering – how will this turn out?
Our lives are shaped by the experiences we have.
My live is being shaped by the experiences I have, but more importantly, by the way I react to these life experiences.
Some things are easier than others to navigate!
It is only a short time since my Dad died. He is on my mind every day.
In a previous blog I mentioned a slide show I’ve put together, and I’m using it to help shape my future! You see it is full of happy memories of my Dad, and our family. Yes, it brings a tear to my eye sometimes, especially if I add the funeral music to it…
But, it is these tears that allow the emotion to flow to the surface, and not get buried in my body. That is very important.
I want to remember the good times, there were some not so good times too, but when you think of someone you love, it’s the good times that you want to focus on. I smile as I think of the great holidays we had, both as children, all together, and more recently as adults, taking Dad along with us after Mum died.
Dad enjoyed travelling, and in the 5 short years that Mum and Dad had together between his retirement, and her earlier than expected death, they visited many destinations together. Two long held dreams for them, were the Norwegian Fjords and Canada, and thankfully, both were achieved.
What dreams do you have? Are they on a list somewhere?
Losing Dad is making me take stock of my life. I am beginning to slowly rekindle some of my dreams. I do not have a current list, but I feel one brewing ☺
In all honesty, life has been somewhat on hold these past three years.
In between the regular visits south of the border, there were extra visits in times of illness, the occasional house improvement, and also keeping on top of our own continued house and garden development.
It was also surprising, how much time was spent behind the scenes supporting my wider family to ensure things were running as smoothly as possible for us all. Living the furthest away from Dad meant many minutes were spent on the phone catching up with everyone.
It is with satisfaction that I know we all did our utmost to make Dad comfortable, and gave him his final wish, which was to stay in his own home.
Also, I will be eternally grateful to have spent the last week of his life with him.
When you are going through trauma, life seems to slow down, and each day can feel like forever.
Then, all of a sudden, life speeds up after a death as so many things need organizing, and your mind is kept occupied by all the myriad of things that need completing.
Before you know it, days begin to turn into weeks.
You attend the funeral - there are tears, but laughter too.
The heavens opened that day, and it was as though everyone was crying with us.
Memories were shared, and through the sadness there was some joy in seeing family and friends again, you reminisce, you go your separate ways again, and then life does indeed go on.
As that day drew to a close, the clouds parted and the sun shone through once again. It felt a fitting end to the day, and to a good life.
My Dad lived a quiet life, but a good life. He had his fair share of heartache, but always remained grateful to be alive. He was a man full of integrity and his pleasures over the years, mainly involved family, a few friends and wonderful holidays.
In between all that, Dad enjoyed reading a good book (he was a great supporter of his local library, often reading a couple of books a week), he loved going to classical concerts, and often relaxed watching a great drama or film on TV.
He was also a very active member of his local WEA (Workers’ Education Association), both on the committee and in attending the various classes on offer, always learning… and finally although not a keen gardener, he liked a tidy garden and would often be found pottering in the greenhouse tending his delicious tomatoes. ☺
I turn to look out the window, and see my own life reflected!
My life is a quiet life, but a good life.
I will make some more dreams come true. Note to self, start that new list…
I will continue to meditate, to fit some yoga in, to go skiing, walking, to visit friends and family, to tend our garden, to look out to sea (more often than I care to admit), to enjoy meals out, to read books, maybe re-read some old, and finally to visit new places, and re-visit some old favourites.
And my family will be along side me, whether in spirit or in person. Yes, I miss not actually seeing them in front of me, but they are always in my minds’ eye. I can still talk to them, and they will always, always be a part of my life.
So on that note, let the day unfold, may your day be full of love and gratitude ☺